I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
