They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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