And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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