No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
