we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
