in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
