I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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