Please, let me fuck your mom
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
