Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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