It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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