I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
