just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
