...so i touched it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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