my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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