Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize