Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
