you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
