I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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