u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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