:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
