Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
