I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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