he puts the penis in happiness.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
