good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize