I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
