So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
