My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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