loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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