During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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