woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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