You can't motorboat a personality
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
