Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
