Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
