Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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