I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
