i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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