I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
