Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize