whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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