why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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