I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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