3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had to cum in my sink.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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