happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize