I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
