I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
