Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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