when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love having hate sex.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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