Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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