I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
