i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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