Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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