The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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