I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
