oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sarcasm needs its own font
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
