Will you blow on my dice?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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