Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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