I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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