I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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