i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize