Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
