There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
