it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
