what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
