i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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