Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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