Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
