i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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