please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
