No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
