I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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