My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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