remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
