So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
